I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
