explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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