I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize