dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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