Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
3 2 1 whiskey
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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