I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
