Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
