Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
