dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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