So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
