Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
