i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
