Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
