If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
