You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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