Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
