I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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