is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize