This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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