i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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