i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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