Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have fence marks all over my body
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
