Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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