I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
