i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
