dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Houston, we have a squirter
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
