you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
