fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
