U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
