He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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