but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
