When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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