CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
