Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
