dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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