I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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