so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
