i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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