I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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