He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
