i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
