Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
