Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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