just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
