problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
