3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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