Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
