you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm always down for nudity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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