I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
