the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize