When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize