Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
