im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Text me some of your sweat
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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