dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize