My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
