Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
