We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
