She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
