Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
