she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize