I have demons in me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
