im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
