I'm going to jail i love you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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